Game Summary - Game 72: The Sens and Panthers make like Alexander Graham Bell and phone this one in

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

by Bonk's Mullet


Good morning/afternoon/evening/night Ottawa Senators fans! We're huge in Lithuania, so you can never be too careful about the timing of your greetings. So...Labas vakaras everyone!

The Senators were in Sunrise, Florida on Tuesday night (which I am assured is a real place, and not a Sandals resort) to take on the Sandals Panthers. It should be noted that the last time the Ottawa Senators allowed less than three goals in a game, the Panthers' current starting goalie was watching that game as the Canucks' back up goalie from the bench in a giant not-outdoor dome. Since their last meeting, the Panthers swapped out their goaltending tandem of Tim "Yard Sale" Thomas and Jacob Markstrom for Roberto Luongo and Dan Ellis, which has been a nice distraction from their likely 14th place finish in the East (laughs Bonk's Mullet, safely from his 12th place perch).

Matthew Kassian and Patrick Wiercioch draw into the lineup thanks to injuries to Mika Zibanejad's upper body and Paul MacLean's hubris.

And now what you've all been waiting for - no, not the end of the article - the game!

1st Period

17:39 - Mike Hoffman, playing with Matt Kassian and Eric Condra, uses his linemates as effectively as possible by pulling off a solo end-to-end rush.

17:33 - Dmitri Kulikov is told to knock it ov, and he's sent to the box to kul ov when he's called for high sticking Matt Kassian. Only 10 game summaries left so make the most of your opportunity to soak in high quality puns like those!

17:30 - On the power play, Ottawa does their best "Harlem Globe Trotters at their first day of training camp" impression. I think to myself "Mike Hoffman is too fancy for the power play" and realize just how dark this season has gotten.

15:59 - Roberto Luongo goes cross-crease to save a point-blank Kyle Turris one timer. Point-blank is also the range at which Luongo's contract held a gun to Mike Gillis's head.

15:23 - Mark Stone misses easy tap in off the post. Boy! Does he has hands of...um...I can't think of anything good here.

12:03 - Sean Bergenheim knocks in a loose puck behind Lehner, but the Sens are saved by quick whistle. "I'm appreciative of that call and I'll remember to take it easy on the ref next time a call goes against us," says absolutely nobody.

7:30 - Sportsnet does a small feature on Alfred, a loyal Sens fan who just celebrated his 100th birthday.
4:43 - Matt Kassian stage fights Krys Barch off the faceoff. The action was okay but the dialogue wasn't believable.

2:06 - Luongo makes like the Toronto Maples Leafs in the standings and dives to make a huge save on MacArthur.

2nd Period

16:54 - Jason Spezza and Erik Karlsson break in on a 2-on-1. Erik Karlsson, concerned that Robert Luongo is overheating in net, fans on the shot. Now that's being a friend!

Things more action-packed than the next 9 minutes of the game.:
  • Roberto Luongo's twitter feed since being traded
  • The 100's section at this game
  • Jared Cowen's little black book
  • Craig Anderson's barber's schedule
  • Chris Neil's book shelf
Hold the presses! Everything is happening!

8:26 - After what felt like a million saves by Luongo, the Sens finally crack him. On a 3-on-2, Kyle Turris drops it for Mark Stone, who dishes it across to MacArthur, who *synonym for pass*es it across to Stone, who swats it into the yawning cage. Unlike the net, Sens fans won't be yawning for much longer! 1-0 Sens

3:49 - Patrick Weirdcock unloads a shot that MacArthur grazes with his lethal tip. I'm sorry for setting off your work pornography filters. 2-0 Sens

2:28 - Brian Campbell sets up Bergenheim in the slot, who shovels it top corner. 2-1 Sens

2:05 - 23 seconds later, Cody Ceci pinches and no Sens forward covers back. Definitely-an-NHL-forward Vincent Trochek scores on a 2-on-1. 2-2 ball game. If the Sens didn't disappoint you, would they really be the Ottawa Senators? Be yourself, that's all you can be. No, not you Jared.

I'm sure this torrid pace will continue for the...

3rd Period!

Things more lively than the third period:
  • Kyle Turris intermission interviews
  • Jacques Martin's Ottawa Senators
  • Carlingwood Mall at 8 PM
  • Post-game traffic flow in the CTC parking lot
  • Airflow through Jared Cowen's nose

Oh hey! It's over!

Overtime

Oh god. There's more? Wake up your Lehners, we've got overtime!


Exiting the zone, Kyle Turris' skate knocks the puck off of Wiercioch's stick, forcing the Cioch to take a hooking penalty. Robin Lehner stands on his head for the Sens penalty kill -- Hold on, my editor is telling me he stayed on his feet to make a world-stopping glove save. Overtime solves nothing.

Kyle Turris goes top cheesecake on Luongo, but Vincent Trochek(?) and Brandon Pirri(!?) beat Lehner to make the final score 3-2 Panthers.

The Words at the End


Only 10 more games. We can make it through this. Stay strong.

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